signs
by raffinit
Summary: Something's bugging Tess, and Joel can't figure just what. AU in the later chapter, but mostly pretty canon for the most part? JoelxTess and it's pretty blatant.
1. Chapter 1

**This piece takes place in the _common_ universe; after Tess is found alive in Joel's apartment about a year after they start living at Tommy's town. **

**Y'all should've seen this coming like, a mile away though.**

* * *

Something's wrong with Tess.

Her quiet is too quiet; her fidgeting multiplies, becomes anxious more than restless. He notices, of course he does - if there's one thing Tess never learned to do, it's hiding her emotions from him.

Try as she might; her thoughts spread across her face like paint on canvas to him.

She hasn't been eating much lately; everything she puts in her mouth comes right back up in the next ten minutes. Her moods are awful, he thinks it's maybe her time of month, but Tess is never this strange even then.

Surly Tess is normal, but this...this quiet Tess...this haunted Tess...

It troubles him.

She won't say, though. No matter what angle he comes at it from - she won't say a thing to him about it. Eventually Tess can't stand for his prying and stands abruptly from the couch when he reaches out to touch her. It's nearly flinching, the way she moves away from his reach, and Joel stares after the woman with a bewildered frown. "Tess, c'mon -."

"I need a walk," she murmurs, before he can stand to corner her. She sees it coming; from the way his shoulders bundle under his shirt to the way his arms are braced on the couch prepared to push himself up and onwards to her, Tess knows how this game goes.

If he corners her, pins her against the wall like a backed animal - maybe she'll give in.

She's out the door by the time Joel's fully on his feet.

Joel sighs in defeat, shoulder sagging as he watches the door shut, shaking his head as he rounds the couch to his bottle of whiskey. Something settles over his skin like a fine layer of dust; uncomfortable and niggling with the sensation of something just isn't quite right, but he can't place just what.

He rubs at the back of his neck, willing the sensation away as he throws back a shot of the amber liquid, swallowing slowly to savor the burn. He wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, figures what to do to pass the time while Tess gets her thoughts together.

Maybe there's something for him to fix.

She comes back a while later - two hours and fifty two minutes later, to be exact, but who's counting? Joel's done fixing the faulty coffee table leg and done organizing their stash and goods for their next drop when Tess slips in through the door, standing almost guiltily by the door when Joel straightens away from the gun he's cleaning.

"Where ya been, Tess?" he asks immediately; doesn't even bother to hide the way his brows pull together worriedly and disapprovingly at how late she stays out. "I was gonna come find you but I didn't know -."

"The roof," she says quietly, and Joel stares at her for a moment, blinking slowly.

"You been up on the roof for three hours?"

Tess shrugs.

His brows pull lower. "Doin' what?"

Another shrug, she starts to shift on her feet; cross an arm over her body as she stares at the scuff marks on her shoes. "Thinking." That's all she says to him, kicking off her shoes and one hand already unraveling the bandana from her hair.

"Hold on a second - hey." He reaches out to her, just grazing the skin of her arm before pulling back when Tess flinches away as if he's burned her. The concern becomes real now, and Joel steps towards her openly, taking her hand in his gently as Tess twitches at the contact.

He brushes a strand of dark hair from her face - it's fallen over her face like a curtain; suddenly she looks as young as she was the first time they met. "Hey," he soothes her gently, stroking her chin, running his thumb along her cheek as she glances up at his face briefly.

Joel frowns deeper at the tears gleaming there, but she looks away before he can linger on it, and instead he steps into her space, pulling her slowly into his arms. Stroking her arms, he tilts his head down to murmur into her ear, "c'mon now, Tess. You gotta tell me what's eatin' at ya."

"You gotta tell me what's wrong so I can fix it, sweetheart."

He feels her fingers tighten over his arm a moment; feels the tremble in her body and makes a promise to himself to break at least four major bones of the person who's shaken Tess so. Again he tilts his head to an angle, pressing his nose into the side of her face, pressing his mouth to the corner of her lips for a split second before Tess stiffens in his hold - turns her head away from him completely.

Hurt flashes across his face, burns in his chest as he releases her slowly. "Tess -."

"I'm just tired," she mumbles, and brushes past Joel to the bedroom. There's a fleeting glance backwards, as if she's contrite, as if she's afraid or ashamed, and she disappears into the bathroom adjoining to the room where they sleep.

Joel's in bed by the time Tess comes out of the bathroom, paler as if the water had washed away whatever sense of self she had. She slips into bed beside without another word, curling onto her side away from him without so much as a goodnight.

He moves closer to her; feels the ache in his chest as he reaches out gently in the dark, fingertips grazing her cold skin.

She cringes in the dark, curling tighter into a ball. "Please," her muffled voice sounds small and defeated in the dark. "I just wanna sleep, Joel. Just let me sleep."

He has no choice but to obey - another rejection and he won't trust himself not to beg her for forgiveness for nothing. He's done no wrong; perhaps that's all she really needs.

And so they sleep.

The wall between them in bed stays all through the night.

_She wakes to agony._

* * *

She's not in bed when he wakes the next morning. Even in the haze of his sleep-addled mind, Joel knows it to be strange that Tess is awake before him. She's never awake before him, and it troubles him more as he stumbles out of bed calling her name out into the apartment.

The volume and desperation in his voice escalates before he can help himself, when Joel spots the crumpled pile of Tess' nightshirt - _his_ shirt - lying on the floor by the bathroom.

Stained in blood.

"Tess!" He's bellowing now, searching the bathroom, barging out into the living room and kitchen. His eyes dart from space to space frantically; searching a sign - a blood trail or something - something to tell him where she is!

The front door sounds just as he reaches it, and Joel is startled backwards by the very woman he's looking for. He feels the clench in his chest relax, he breathes out heavily in relief. "Christ, Tess! Y'damn near gave me a heart attack!"

Tess stands staring at the man, eyes wide and startled like a doe as she registers why he's breathing so hard and half-glaring at her with pajama pants on and his hair sticking out in every direction possible. "I'm - sorry," she murmurs weakly, and the apology only seems to amplify Joel's concerns for her.

"I just - I needed some air." Her stomach cramps again, and the flash of pain - no matter how brief - has Joel on high alert.

"Where've you been? What happened to you? You okay?" He touches her again, and this time though she flinches, Tess accepts his affections with a reluctant silence; he pulls her to him. He sighs heavily into her hair again, even if Tess stands stiff and unmoving in his arms. "Damn it, Tess, you're makin' me crazy worryin' about you like this!"

She's pale and shaken, and Joel pulls back long enough to stare intently at the woman's face. Something's wrong - something's happened. "Tess -."

"Just leave it," she utters suddenly, and Joel finds her pressing her face into his chest as if she might die without him near. Her fingers tighten around his arms hard, her body locks tense and trembling as he touches her and holds her close, murmuring to her gently.

She never answers his questions.

She probably never will.

* * *

**_Wheeee angst_**


	2. Chapter 2

The second time she's sure.

Experience and memory takes away what doubts she has; the strange sensation of her body changing is familiar and strange at the same time. It's not like before, at least. The pain isn't the first feeling that greets her in the morning, nor the nausea - just...a strange sense of peace and content.

It doesn't mean she's any less terrified.

The nausea starts, and Tess feels like she can appreciate the irony of the fact that it comes the same week they get a bad batch of rations. Or is it coincidence or divine intervention. Joel is none the wiser to her condition; he's taking turns with her for the porcelain throne to stick their heads into.

"How come it got you so bad, though?" he asks one day, while wiping his mouth with a grimace as he flushes away the leftover of their shitty breakfast. "You ate half of what I ate - and I _finished_ your half for ya too!"

Tess feels her stomach clench at first; is he onto her? But she shrugs simply instead, handing him a glass of water. "Not all of us have iron stomachs like you do, Tex," she tells him, and the man grunts something under his breath as he sips the rust-flavored water.

Later in the night, with Joel sprawled restlessly beside her in bed, one arm wrapped tight around her waist; Tess wonders about the possibility of things changing for the better. It's a fool's dream, of course - in a world like theirs, a fool's dream can be deadly.

But...he would be a wonderful father.

That much she knows.

What she doesn't know is how to tell him. And just like the bad batch of goods, the universe seems to settle it for her too.

_"You know I was thinkin'... after we get back, we can take it easy for a little while."_

She never needs to tell him though.

The bite settles it for her.

* * *

The third time, she's actually showing before she realizes. Living in Tommy's town has been something between having a semblance of a normal life, and not so much. They have jobs now; things to do and places to be for a good part of the day, and Tess seems to revel in having things to do now.

She's a leader and a doer; sitting around has never really been something to her liking. By the time a year rolls by, Tess holds similar fear and respect of the townsfolk - some even like her. Whether it's for her stunning personality or her cold-blooded (and highly effective) skills at combat and leading, Tess has good standing with the people, and even Maria too.

Having so much to do leaves very little time for Tess to think about herself or the things her body's going through. The nausea doesn't happen aside from a strong dislike to the scent of smoked jerky, though she's acutely aware of the discomfort in her middle.

She's not showing by much, but she's certainly a lot firmer in the middle than she should be.

Her temperament fluctuates as much as the shadows of the sun.

A badly cut slab of meat dissolves her into tears; a kiss on the cheek from Joel makes her jump him like a rabbit in heat.

A hug goodnight from Ellie makes her hold the girl close and never want to let go.

This is real. Once and for all - and she doesn't know what to do about it.

* * *

Joel stares down at the squirming bundle in his arms, cradling it gently to his chest as he moves the swaddling cloth aside to peer keenly at the infant's face.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Tommy says, laying a hand gently on his brother's shoulder as they both stare down at the newborn; with her mother's eyes and her father's nose.

"Yeah," he breathes, and Joel shifts the baby in his arms as tenderly as he can, turning to Tommy with a strange melancholy smile. "She's gorgeous." The words seem caught in his throat, but Joel musters what he can of a smile, and hands the baby to his younger brother. "Congratulations, lil' brother. You're gonna be a great dad."

It hasn't been a secret that Tommy and Maria have been trying for a baby; it's just something that they never think to bring up on a regular day because it puts a strange look on Joel and Tess' faces when they do. They remember sharing a look on the day they told Joel and Tess about their pregnancy, of the way Joel's eyes seemed happy but his smile sad, and the way Tess seemed terrified for them. They thought of the early days of the outbreak; of the loss that's made Joel into who he is today.

Tommy shifts his daughter in his arms, already so very in love with the life they've brought into the world. "We're thinkin' of namin' her _Hope_," he informs the man, who stands back with his arms folded like an armor.

"S'a good name," Joel murmurs dutifully, even if he doesn't feel it personally. He wouldn't put such a title on his child - _hope_ for a better future. _Hope_ for humanity.

He already has one kid with that title.

Maria rests in the bedroom, asleep from the hours of labor from the previous day. Ellie and Tess appear after a brief visit with the new mother; the teen bounds up to Tommy with brightly eager eyes and an almost giddy grin. "Can I see her?" she asks, and Tommy laughs quietly before obliging the girl, angling his newborn daughter down for her to see.

"Whoa," Ellie gasps, and resists the urge to poke at the baby's chubby cheeks. "She's so tiny!"

Tommy chuckles. "Yeah well, her Mama oughta be thankful she's small. Our Ma used to tell us 'bout how Joel weighed ten pounds comin' out." He grins when Joel rumbles a denial of the story, though Ellie can't seem to wrap her mind around the fact that something that weighs ten pounds can fit out of...places.

They're all too busy with the baby to see Tess pale somewhat.

Ellie chews on the corner of her lip, eyes darting anxiously from the baby to Tommy, hesitant. "Can I...can I try to hold her?"

Tommy's eyes soften down at the girl, "of course."

"Here," Joel reaches out, shifts Hope into his arms with such a gentle, affectionate ease that it makes Tess' heart clench. The sight of the baby in his arms - the way his eyes warm and his mouth curves into something so...innate makes her wonder, even if for a bare second of the day.

"You gotta support her head like this," he lowers the baby into Ellie's arms, smiling fondly at the awestruck way the teen takes such careful steps in nestling the baby into her elbow. "Now, let her sit in your elbow - just like that, that's right - and you gotta support her butt with your other hand."

"There," he says finally, stepping back with a small, proud smile when Ellie stands by herself; Hope safe and nestled in her arms. "You're a natural."

Ellie beams at them both, turns to where Tess stands a good distance away from them. "Tess, look!" she says quietly, to keep from startling the baby.

Smiling from the corner of her mouth, Tess nods at the girl; won't admit to her that Ellie would make a good big sister. "Lookin' good, kid."

Joel steps back, half a smile on his face but a curious look in his eyes. "C'mon over here," he calls to her, waving her over to him as she seems reluctant to obey. He meets her gaze with a gentle but curious look, until Tess hesitantly steps forward; pulling her into his side.

"Y'alright?" It's a quiet murmur, barely discernible to anyone but her, and Joel presses his mouth to the side of her head as she nods slowly at him. He runs a hand along her arm gently, squeezing the bony edge of her shoulder as the woman stares almost trance like at the baby in Ellie's arms.

Tess inhales slowly; her fingers squeeze gently into his shirt as she summons the courage to look him in the eye.

She smiles wanly. "You uh...you ready to be a dad again?"


	3. Chapter 3

He stares at her, wordless, stunned, terrified. "W-what's that now?"

Tess feels her fingers twitch nervously; she bites down on the inside of her cheek and suddenly she's staring up at him with the same look in her eyes when she'd been bitten. Now though there's so much more than sadness - the fear is the same, but therein lies the uncertain excitement in her hazel eyes.

Joel can feel his eyes growing wider when he processes what she's saying; processes why she's been acting so strange lately - he stares down at her stomach. He reaches out, hesitating as his fingers brush the soft span of Tess' skin; spreading out wide over her stomach until he feels it there, and wonders how he could've missed it.

A bump. Barely big enough to tell through clothes, but it's a bump.

A baby.

_Their_ baby.

"Wh - How -." Tess spares him half of a smirk at his sputtering, though her eyes narrow with something other than amusement and fill with something other than an attitude.

"Well damn, Joel; if I have to explain to you how this happened -." She doesn't get to sass at him for much longer, when he's crushing her to him and kissing her breathless like it's the last he'll ever kiss her. She wraps her arms around him tight, tugs at the hair on the back of his head out of habit, and vaguely Tess can hear the sounds of Ellie and Tommy gagging - she can't care less about them.

When he pulls away, they're breathing hard, and their eyes hold for a moment before something seems to click, and they're grinning at each other like idiots over nothing. Joel rumbles in his throat, presses his forehead to hers like a contented bear; Tess purrs against him like relieved, pleased cat - his hand spreads over her stomach again, lovingly.

"So," he murmurs to her, and Tess remembers now the feeling that comes from the base of her spine at the sound of his voice. "A baby, huh?"

Tess nods, presses her forehead to his like a cat as her body warms to his touch; she wonders how he'll hold her when she's as big as a house. She breathes out, it shakes a little more than she'd like. Her eyes flit from his chest, his neck, his face where she finds his eyes again, and bites the corner of her lip with an uncertainty that's only ever there for Joel to see. Her brows lift somewhat, a sad little hopeful gleam in her eyes as she grips his arm in her hand.

"That okay?"

He almost laughs out loud. "_Okay_?" he echoes, and shakes his head incredulously at the woman in his arms. Sometimes he doesn't quite know what to do with her, but he pulls her in for another kiss anyway; and pulls away only after he gets a whimper from her throat.

His voice is low, husky and rough when he mumbles at her again, but she can't mistake the happiness in his words. "That _okay_ enough for you?"

Tess grins, and it's just then that Tommy reminds them that they're not quite alone. "Hey now - you plannin' on tellin' us what you're suckin' faces about?" he rags at them, and Joel turns them both to Ellie and his brother, where Ellie stands holding Hope in her arms still.

"What?" Tommy drawls, eyeing them in mild amusement. "Y'all married now or somethin'?"

Joel chuckles, squeezing his arm around Tess' waist as they both turn to Ellie. He smiles softly at the girl; feels Tess brush her fingers against his skin. "No, not married -."

Tess smirks at them, nestled under Joel's arm. "Guess you're on double diaper duty, huh, kid."

* * *

People take to her pregnancy better than either of them do.

Ellie can barely restrain the urge to run around town telling everyone, and for the most part - she does just that. Tommy and Maria are just as pleasantly surprised as the expecting pair, and figure it best to hold a double celebration for Hope's birth and Tess' pregnancy that very night. They can't afford to splurge extravagantly anyway, and eventually Joel convinces Tess of how rude it'd be to decline, and so they bear it.

"There's much to celebrate," Tommy insists; as he watches Maria cradle their daughter to show the adoring townsfolk. Hope gets a cousin to grow up with, and the unspoken truth is that Ellie gets to be a big sister to them both. "It'll be good for the girl to be doing something other than learning how to kill and hunt and guard."

The townsfolk congratulate and celebrate with them; Tess even braves the dinner big enough to feed the whole town without alcohol, and Joel makes it a point to keep his arm around her waist and his mouth pressed to her skin all through the party to tell her how impressed he is with her self-control. Of course, it doesn't mean he doesn't sometimes wave a bottle of home-brew in front of her, but Tess gets her revenge every so often with a hard slug to the gut when he's got the bottle tipped to his mouth.

He goes to bed with a beard full of home-brew lingering in his scruff, and they realize in the next five minutes of him trying to kiss her in bed that home-brew steeped beard is the only scent to trigger Tess' gag reflex.

For the rest of her pregnancy, they make a deal - Joel keeps his beard neat and trimmed, and Tess won't send him outside to cuddle up with Bear whenever he drinks.

When she starts growing out of her clothes, she takes his. There's no permission to give; he comes home one day from hunting with Tommy and there she is - dressed comfortably in his shirt two sizes too big for her still, and smirking at him from the doorway of their home.

It's not as if he would've denied her in the first place.

The welcome home he gets that night makes up for his depleting stash of shirts just fine. And in the middle of the night, when Tess is nestled into his arms glowing and purring in the afterglow, they feel the baby kick for the first time.

She gasps in the dark, and it has him awake and alert in a blink as his arm reaches out for his gun by the nightstand on instinct. She takes his hand instead, guides it down to the small curve of her stomach, whispering eagerly to him in the darkness. "Here, here." She presses his large hand to her skin, shifting closer until she has it in the right place; her eyes gleam in the dark up at his face with a mixture of petrified excitement and annoyance.

The baby kicks again, and this time they're both gasping.

"Damn," Joel breathes, and Tess mimics his sentiments when the baby kicks again, right into its father's palm. "He's a strong fella, ain't he?" he marvels, and pulls the woman closer to him for a better grasp of her stomach. Leaning down to her, Joel presses his mouth to Tess' stomach, ignoring the woman's jab about leaving beard burns as he kisses her skin gently.

"Settle down now," he soothes the baby, palming its mother's skin - lulling them both to sleep. "Bet you didn't like Mama and Daddy rollin' around like that, huh?"

Tess smacks him upside the head, and Joel chuckles heartily at the woman; palming her skin still. "We weren't rolling around, and you started it with all that grabbing _you_ did at dinner," she retorts, scowling at the man when he kisses her stomach again, and smirks at her in the moonlight.

Joel grins openly at her, unrepentant. "I'm allowed to enjoy my baby mama, aren't I?" He ducks away when Tess starts beating at him earnestly, sputtering indignantly at him. They tussle around in the sheets a little, until he thinks it's much too late to be starting again, and pins her easily beneath him on the covers.

"I am not a _baby mama_," she huffs petulantly, and Joel rumbles a chuckle in his throat before he kisses the pout away from her mouth.

"You're havin' my baby, ain't ya?" he murmurs against her lips, grinning when Tess smacks him across the chest. "Doesn't that make you my baby's mama?" He teases her with his fingers prodding at her side, hard enough to have Tess jolting in his hold, and grins wider when she swears at him into a painful castration. In his chest though there lies a soft, warm sort of ache.

He wishes of a time when the world isn't half as destroyed - of a time when he can drive Tess to doctor's appointments, sit by her and hear their baby's heartbeat and see how it grows inside her. He thinks of a time when he can drive out in the middle of the night for her cravings; when getting her peanut butter or Chinese food and pickles was as simple as driving down the street.

Now, all he can do is smile at her apologetically when Tess tells him she misses the taste of peanut butter and easy Mac together.

He palms her stomach again, pressing a kiss to the side of her face wistfully.

_In another time, I'd call you my wife._

"Hey." He jolts when the cool palm of her hand touches his face, and Joel blinks as he stares down at Tess' face in the moonlight; the way she cups his cheek with the frowning pull of her brows that's always mixed with a strange form of uncertainty and affection whenever they're lying in bed like this. Tess tilts her head at him, smiling somewhat sadly when the man musters a small smile for her. "Where'd you go, big guy?"

Shaking his head slowly, Joel takes her hand in his, kissing the inside of her palm almost reverently before he's pulling her close to him; cuddling her under the covers. He sighs quietly into her hair, pulling her to his chest and wrapping his arms around her stomach protectively. Her hands settle over his, squeezing gently, and Joel kisses the side of her face with a soft wistfulness.

"_Nowhere you oughta worry 'bout, sweetheart. I'm right here with you."__  
_


End file.
